What is making me fat?

Why is the world fat? Why do we eat when we aren't hungry? What are we hungry for? I have never been thin. I only noticed that I was fat when I was in the 3rd grade. What made me eat the junk that I was eating? This is one of the journeys I need to take. Inside the depths of my mind to figure out the answers to these questions.

I just finished watching one of my favorite shows, Ruby. Ruby was a 750lb woman who is documenting her weight loss journey on the Style network. She is now in the 350's and is still trying to answer the same questions for herself. Last night's show was about enabling. I often think about the many enablers in my life. I am not innocent of this either. I am an enabler. Why do we enable? Because we love? I have often heard these comments, "You have to have a treat once in a while" or "It's a special occasion" or "You have to live a little" or "You're not fat" or "Oh, just try a taste" or "It's not going to kill you" or "You deserve this!" These are enabling words. The brain is a powerful thing. It's my worst enemy. I can rationalize the frosting off a cupcake. If I am given even one of these words to ponder, I'll eat the cupcake. The devil always wins.

As Ruby sat on her sofa last night with her "Fat Club" friends listening to the therapist, I wanted to help her, to enable her. She wasn't admitting that she had a food addiction. I felt like she was being cornered by her friends and a woman who really didn't know her. I wanted to pull her off that couch and give her a hug. Does that really help? Maybe for a moment, but it doesn't help her address what is really making her fat.

What is making me fat? What is making me lose some weight and then regain it a few months later? I need to find out these answers.